I was looking through some old emails and found this gem I wrote in 2009 when I was trying to get a job at The Onion. Pretty good if I do say so myself! "Afraid that a passion for adopting and rearing lots of children is fueling the psychosis of people like Octomom Nadya Suleman, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have decided to put their six children up for adoption. 'You try to do a good thing … [Read more...] about Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt To Put Own Kids Up For Adoption
“He Sees You When You’re Pooping…”
Last night we were listening to Christmas music and during "Santa Claus Is Comin' To Town" my boyfriend said, "Isn't this song a little creepy? Santa sees you when you're sleeping, he knows when you're awake...is Santa some kind of stalker or something?" And then this morning my friend Liza posted this Santa toilet seat cover on Facebook with the caption, "This is fucking terrifying Amazon." … [Read more...] about “He Sees You When You’re Pooping…”
Undercover Beach Ball Blow-Up: PART 2
Look at the dude behind me holding the beach ball! The Chronicles Of The Undercover Beach Ball Blow-Up continues! We went to the Dodger game, and I snapped this selfie with this beach ball ninja and his lady-person as she was snapping a selfie with his snuck-in secret inflatable. But enough about beach balls at baseball games! Do you know how the Dodgers got their name? In the early 1900s, … [Read more...] about Undercover Beach Ball Blow-Up: PART 2
Undercover Beach Ball Blow-Up
We spotted a graffiti tagger in action on our way to Dodger Stadium, and when we got to our seats, we spotted a beach baller prepping his game. … [Read more...] about Undercover Beach Ball Blow-Up
White Dogs Can’t Jump
My friend Angela has a dog, the dog's name is Humphrey. Humphrey is a girl. Oh so friendly — an almost too friendly dog sometimes — because when people come over Humphrey jumps on them all crazy, and Angela has to yell "No Humphrey no!" Actually I don't know if Angela has ever yelled exactly that — but something to that effect, I'd guess. But she didn't have to yell that when I walked through her … [Read more...] about White Dogs Can’t Jump