Angelina Jolie And Brad Pitt To Put Own Kids Up For Adoption

I was looking through some old emails and found this gem I wrote in 2009 when I was trying to get a job at The Onion. Pretty good if I do say so myself!

“Afraid that a passion for adopting and rearing lots of children is fueling the psychosis of people like Octomom Nadya Suleman, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt have decided to put their six children up for adoption. ‘You try to do a good thing to help the children of the world, and then some crazy bitch goes and ruins it all,’ Jolie says. Pitt and Jolie have three adopted children — Maddox Chivan, Zahara Marley and Pax Thien; and have three biological children — Shiloh Nouvel, and the twins Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline. ‘Maybe this will set an example that it is better to give than to receive,’ Pitt says. Jolie adds: ‘By the way — tell that loony bitch that she’ll never look as good as me.’”