After I wrote that headline, it doesn’t actually seem that obscene, I mean cheese and beer, right — except for the fact that milk is supposed to add like a creaminess while beer would probably counteract with the cheese-packet powder like a science-project volcano eruption.
Anyways! I’d been craving mac and cheese, so I started boiling the six cups of water — is it just me or does SIX CUPS of water seem a little excessive for the handful of frail dry macaroni that barely lines the bottom of a Kraft mac and cheese box?? Does it take that much water to bring those dehydrated filaments back to life or something??
Anyways! After I tilted the box to send the mac sliding into the boiling water, I realized — I’d just poured the rest of the cow’s milk down the drain cause it was a couple days past expiration, blargh! Yeah blah blah cow’s milk, bad, I know (both natural and synthetic growth hormones in cow’s milk are meant to grow a baby calf into a cow fairly quickly — what is growth? Cell division. What is cancer? Uncontrolled cell division. So reconsider drinking too much cow’s milk, growth hormones exist naturally in organic milk too!)…
But I digress! Anyways! I only use cow’s milk rarely in my coffee, and to make delicious Kraft mac and cheese! So. I could venture out into the pre-apocalyptic world for the second time that day, or I could use an alternative. I searched the fridge for like half-and-half or plain creamer. Only vanilla coconut creamer, barf… vanilla almond milk creamer, triple barf (I had to skip the double barf, any hot beverage or food made with almond milk tastes like burnt glue to me)… chocolate milk (hmm?)… frozen breast milk… water…and beer.
I opted for the vanilla coconut creamer and… it was not HALF bad… though I did discover some regular half-and-half like two days later and half-cried.