Three Things I Learned From the Film “The Human Centipede”

1) Learn how to change a tire

2) If I’m ever drugged and tied up as one of three people who are about to be surgically attached mouth to butt, and I have the chance to escape, DO IT. Don’t go back for my unconscious friend — go back through the woods, find a non-insane neighbor who will call the police, because scary surgeon guy probably won’t be able to find a third person to complete his mad vision before I end up rambling into some stranger’s home all freaked and bloody, even though I don’t speak German.

3) The film “The Human Centipede” should’ve been called “The Human Centipoode.”