White Dogs Can’t Jump

My friend Angela has a dog, the dog’s name is Humphrey. Humphrey is a girl. Oh so friendly — an almost too friendly dog sometimes — because when people come over Humphrey jumps on them all crazy, and Angela has to yell “No Humphrey no!” Actually I don’t know if Angela has ever yelled exactly that — but something to that effect, I’d guess. But she didn’t have to yell that when I walked through her door because Humphrey actually didn’t jump on me (although Humphrey did do some impressive flying leaps in the backyard, like a graceful whizzing dog-gazelle).

Anyways. So the reason why Humphrey DIDN’T jump, is because Angela learned to spray her with a water bottle when she jumps on people. And Angela labeled the water bottle “WHITE DOGS CAN’T JUMP!” which of course is more of a command than a fact. It’s more like, “No, white dog, you better not jump!” instead of stating that white dogs “can’t jump,” because Humphrey obviously is living proof that that’s not true. When she was a puppy, and Angela tried to keep her in one room using one of those baby gates, Humphrey would fly clear over the baby gate! PUPPY POWER!!!!!!! I need to get Humphrey a cape.